


Another flowerboy

by Morathi_Cain



Series: What is it about those engineering boys? [6]
Category: My Engineer (TV)
Genre: AND DRAMA, Break Up, Enemies to Friends, Falling In Love, Fighting, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Relationship Problems, Toxic Relationship, and a bit smut, and some fluff, flower knowledge, needed to get this out of the system, surprise happy ending, the boys still need to learn, there will be tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:34:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24131425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morathi_Cain/pseuds/Morathi_Cain
Summary: After yet another fight, Bohn goes to First's shop to get flowers to apologise. Since he doesn't know much about flowers, First (Frong's brother and also former "rival") offers him some advice. Bohn takes it. It may not be the help he wanted, but it's definitely the help he needed!This started out as a crack-idea, but soon enough the story took a different turn! Well, at some point the characters choose their own path, don't they?For everyone who was as frustrated with Bohn/Duen as I was after ep 11 :PAnd now there's a sequel: pls check out "You make me brave again" ^^
Relationships: Bohn/Duen (My Engineer), Bohn/First
Series: What is it about those engineering boys? [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1708738
Comments: 50
Kudos: 170
Collections: FirstBohn - when a ghostship takes your soul





	Another flowerboy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Saintsnack](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saintsnack/gifts).



> Sooo, I was talking with a friend of mine about Bohn and Duen and how toxic their relationship seemed in the last episode. We joked about finding Bohn a new boyfriend and then my friend (The Genius) suggested First, Frong's brother and flower seller and BAM, a ghostship was born! What started as a crack idea, soon enough became THIS! XD
> 
> Well, I had fun writing it and I hope you have fun reading it!
> 
> Thank you for giving it a try ;)

Another flower boy

Bohn only knew vaguely how it had happened, but they’d been fighting again, screaming at each other in aisle number four, right in front of the salad. As far as he remembered, he’d only wanted to whisper something sweet into Duen’s ear, but Duen had jerked back, turned and laughed at a damn joke the damn cashier had made and Bohn had seen red.

He knew he shouldn’t be so jealous. He knew he should be more patient and he was sorry, but ... to have Duen pull back like that, just to smile at everyone else except Bohn hurt and he had no idea how to keep the frustration down, how to be more patient.

If he remembered correctly, he’d asked Duen if he was a sadist, only happy if he made Bohn angry or jealous. And of course, Duen had been angry, replying something Bohn couldn’t even remember anymore and then the screaming had started. At least they hadn’t had the kids with them this day, because Duen had just left. He’d left Bohn with the cart in the middle of the fucking store, storming off, telling Bohn to go fuck himself.

Bohn hated this. He hated fighting with Duen. He hated feeling so helpless whenever Duen was nice to others but never nice to him. He hated when every time he tried to be sweet and caring, Duen would jerk back and tell him to back off. He hated when Duen looked at him with this smug expression after he had once again made him jealous, knowing very well how much rage Bohn was trying to keep in. 

Because all he wanted was to be soft and cute with Duen, watch him for hours without end and maybe hug him, give him a peck or hold his hand. With every time Duen pulled back, he got more desperate, wishing for a small sign, just any sign, really. One moment of Duen touching him, one damn genuine smile in his direction. But he’d fucked up, hadn’t he?

Which was exactly why he was now standing in the forsaken flower shop, helplessly staring at those flowers, wondering which one he should take and which one would maybe make Duen a little less angry at him and maybe a little bit softer towards him. 

„May I help you?“

Bohn looked up, his whole body tense. He would have hated to see Frong in the shop, but First wasn’t a welcome alternative as well. His mind still went into fight-mode whenever he saw him, remembering the day Duen had disappeared with him, ignoring the fact it had all been for him. 

„I...“, Bohn took a deep breath, unsure how to proceed because he didn’t want this guy to know he had relationship problems with his friend.

First smiled politely: „You want a gift for Duen?“

Knowing his own foul mouth, Bohn chose only to nod, not wanting to make everything worse right now.

„Well“, First walked around the counter into the middle of the room, looking at the flowers, „What do you want it to say?“

That had been a question Bohn hadn’t thought about yet, making him squirm. If he said „Sorry“ now, First would know something was wrong. Maybe he should keep it simple.

„I love you.“

First looked up, seemingly surprised by such an open declaration by someone like Bohn.

„Well, that’s good, then. Duen will be happy to know it, I guess.“

Bohn wasn’t so sure about that, but he hoped for it.

„There are several flowers representing love, shall I tell you about them?“

This time Bohn dared to say: „Yes.“ First was actually helping him here, even though he presented everything Bohn disliked.

First looked up again, a smile on his face, Bohn couldn’t read. Oh how he hated it to be at the mercy of this man, but he supported Bohm, so he couldn’t walk out right now.

„You probably know the red rose for love and passion. The white rose stands for innocence.“

Neither of them had to say anything, both knowing that would kinda fit Duen perfectly. Only then Bohn remembered Duen’s smirk after the last jealousy moment and it somehow felt wrong to use this flower as if Duen never knew what he was doing.

„And?“

„You could also give him a red carnation for passion, or a white one for eternal fidelity.“

Well, that sounded good, didn’t it? Hadn’t Duen wondered if they’d even stay together or if Bohn would break up before one year was over? 

„I’ll take the white one.“

First watched him with furrowed brows as he pulled one flower out of the bundle, probably thinking his own part. Bohn hoped he never had to come back again ...

~~~

Only three days later Bohn was back for the third time, another shouting match in his mind. Who could have thought giving Duen a flower presenting fidelity would backfire completely and make him question Bohn.

Maybe asking „And who the fuck should I cheat on you with?!“ hadn’t been the best course of action, he had to admit, but he’d said it and now he was back again, out of ideas. He had tried apologising, but Duen had refused to listen or even meet him. 

Seeing both First and Frong in the shop made him almost turn on his heel, but then he’d have to admit defeat in the middle of the shop and right in front of two people he despised, so he kept walking, his teeth already grinding.

„Oh, Bohn!“

At some point, Frong had stopped being openly hostile towards Bohn. Instead, he was now kind of looking down at him, which wasn’t any better, especially right now.

„Frong.“

A moment of silence stretched between all three men as they stood inside the shop, surrounded by flowers, clearly not happy to have to talk to each other. But Bohn had tried other shops and this one still had the best range and he could endure a small talk if it was for Duen, couldn’t he?

„So“, First gestured for Frong to move on as he turned to Bohn, „What do you need today? Another flower for Duen?“

„Yes.“

„The same?“

„No“, Bohn shook his head. He wouldn’t do the same mistake twice: „I want another one.“

Knowing Frong was staring at him with interest as he exited the shop, made Bohn almost lose his calm, but he controlled himself with every bit he got. He wouldn’t lose. Not to this idiot.

„Okay“, First smiled again his polite smile, „What about red or pink tulips or white lilies?“

Bohn felt almost shy as he dared to ask: „What do they mean?“

„Well, red tulips mean deep love, pink tulips say tender love and white lilies are about the one true love as well as innocence.“

There was something in First’s eyes, which made Bohn ask: „And?“

„Well“, First continued, his expression once more unreadable, „Another meaning is virginity.“

Bohn felt the blush coming like a rocket, making his face burn as if he’d just put it into fire. And he wished he’d actually done that, sparing him the embarrassment of blushing and stammering right in front of First.

First who watched him carefully.

Did he want to make fun of Bohn? Did he do it in his mind? Did he want to ask what was going on? Was he surprised at his reaction?

„I ... uh ...“

„Don’t worry“, First intervened, „It’s not my place to ask you about it. Your relationship is your own problem and I’m just the one selling you flowers. Even if I know the recipient.“

Bohn nodded, not daring to open his mouth yet, his face still burning. Should he simply take the white lily? Ignoring whatever First might think then? But he hated it, didn’t want this guy to think he was a loser.

First spoke again: „But ... if you want to ask me anything, you can do that.“

There it was, the decision to ask and embarrass himself further, or to not ask and let this guy think whatever he wanted, which was no less embarrassing. And he was lost, to be honest. Bohn was lost and he didn’t dare to ask any of his friends for advice, all of them too different to himself and Duen. After all, he barely knew anything about King’s relationship at all, except for the fact he was now dating Bohn’s former opponent. He still wondered how this worked, to be honest. Mek and Boss were their usual chaotic selves, not much different than before except for the hand-holding and cuddling and Mek smiling far more. And Tee was ... well, Tee.  
Bohn had already accepted his envy, but still, they couldn’t help him. So maybe this one could?

„I ...“, he started, swallowing to prepare himself, „Is there a way to tell someone I’ll respect their wishes?“

Of course First knew what Bohn wanted to say, it wasn’t a difficult message at all, but he still seemed so calm, as if he was actually thinking about it rather than laughing about Bohn and his inability to seduce his boyfriend.

„Well“, First finally continued, „We could use a white lily for virginity and combine it with blue violets for patience and freesia for tenderness?“

That ... seemed quite nice, Bohn had to admit, his heartbeat finally slowing down. Apparently this guy was enough of a professional to keep his thoughts to himself.

So he started nodding: „We could do that, yes. Yes, it sounds good.“

First smiled and for the first time it seemed more than polite: „I think it’s a beautiful message.“

With those words he got the flowers and started working on the bouquet, leaving Bohn to stand in the room, dumbstruck and with an even stronger blush than before.

~~~

Even though Bohn still kind of despised First, their meetings became some kind of ritual. Okay, maybe it wasn’t actual hatred, but whenever they met, Bohn’s stomach tightened, making him feel as if he was too big for his skin, making him yearn to hit the guy for touching Duen once. Although the last part had started to vanish, thanks to First helping him out with flowers.

Because nothing was well between him and Duen yet. Sometimes the flowers worked, sometimes they didn’t. It didn’t matter anyway, because they were still fighting every day, Duen still pulling back and poking Bohn where it hurt. And Bohn was still going crazy with jealousy, barely containing his anger whenever his boyfriend smiled at someone else. At some point, he’d caught himself wishing he could be Duen’s little brother, because then he might have gotten some open affection from him.

Still, he tried because he wasn’t ready to give up. Duen had agreed to be his boyfriend and now they simply had to make it work. Simply, he!

„What’s going on?“

Bohn jerked up, completely lost in his thoughts as he had stared at the roses, enjoying the vibrant colour while hating himself for what he’d become. Strangely, First asking him something like this didn’t make him furious anymore, just a bit weird. Had he fallen so low, a flower seller had become his new best friend and love advisor?

„Did you have another fight?“

„The usual, I guess? I’m not sure anymore what went wrong, but he’s angry again.“

„You don’t know why?“

Bohn shook his head.

„Why don’t you ask him?“

He shrugged: „He won’t talk to me.“

First let out a deep sigh as he stopped right next to Bohn, staring at the roses as well: „You want something to say ‘Sorry’? Or a bouquet full of roses? He liked that, didn’t he?“

The bouquet full of roses had been a success with Duen, so much was true. At first, he’d complained how he was supposed to bring all of them home and if Bohn knew how fast roses lost their pedals, but when he’d thought Bohn wasn’t looking, he’d smiled and smelled the roses, making Bohn’s heart almost explode.

„Oh, I simply thought they had a beautiful colour. Are they different from your usual ones?“

Somehow Bohn had spoken those words without meaning to. His wish to talk about Duen was apparently at a minimum. He could feel First’s gaze on him, intense and thoughtful.

„Yes, they are. Mother tried a new species and got the seeds from another vendor.“

„Are they difficult to grow?“

„Why?“, First chuckled, but it wasn’t mean in any way, „You want to grow them yourself as a present for Duen?“

Well, he could, couldn’t he? But Bohn hadn’t asked because of Duen to be honest. So he shrugged: „Just wanted to know.“

„Bohn“, there was a hand on his shoulder, First touching him for the first time ever, turning him to face him, with worry in his eyes, „What’s going on? Why do you avoid talking about Duen? Isn’t he the reason you’re here?“

It was as if someone had hit Bohn over the head with a shovel. No, he was definitely here because of Duen. He was here because he’d had a fight with him and he wanted to make it right again. There was no other reason!

„Yes, of course!“, he replied promptly, a smirk on his face.

„Idiot“, First grumbled, his hand still gripping Bohn’s shoulder even though he was smaller and had to reach up, „I’ll help you, okay?“

Swallowing upcoming tears, Bohn tried to control himself, to get back to his usual self, but the hand on his shoulder, the knowledge First cared somehow and his own helplessness made it almost impossible.

Somehow he still managed a crooked smile, stepping away so First’s hand dropped down.

„Thanks. I’ll get something to apologise, I guess.“

For one moment it seemed as if First wanted to say something else, but he stopped himself and turned back towards the flowers, getting back to being professional: „Yellow roses are asking for forgiveness, but they also mean the end of a relationship. Not sure if that’s the right way then. Usually, the number fifteen says ‘sorry’, so you might choose a bouquet with fifteen different flowers?“

„Sounds good.“

„Well then“, there was the polite smile again, „Go and choose.“

For the rest of their time together they were both silent, Bohn choosing the flowers carefully and First preparing a beautiful bouquet, making Bohn wish he could do the same himself.

Only when he was almost out of the door, did First speak again directly to him: „Bohn?“

He turned, watching First expectantly but also with dread in his stomach.

„You’re one of my best customers and I don’t want to send you away, but maybe flowers aren’t always the answer, you know?“

For a few seconds, they stared at each other, Bohn’s grip on the bouquet tightening before he finally let out a breath: „Thank you.“

Then he stepped outside.

~~~

„I can’t believe you’re back again?“

This time Bohn smirked: „Didn’t you miss me?“

First rolled his eyes since he couldn’t flip Bohn off, his hands busy binding a rather magnificent bouquet for another customer.

Until the other person was gone, Bohn walked around the shop, looking at all the different plants and flowers again, choosing one already before First had even time for him.

„Oh“, he said as Bohn came to the desk with a windflower, „No need for advice this time?“

„I looked some flowers up. Could you put something green with it, so it looks a bit nicer?“

First nodded, taking the flower carefully and preparing the posy.

„So“, he started in the middle of it all, „You seem well. And happy.“

Bohn grinned: „It’s been a good day so far and we’re going to have a date later.“

„Nice. Where are you going?“

„The cinema“, Bohn grinned, remembering the last time. This time would definitely be better, he could feel it.

„So why the flower?“

„I thought it would be nice to give him flowers even if everything is alright.“

„Wow“, First grinned, „How did you get such an enlightenment?“

„Asshole.“

Laughter was his reply and maybe, Bohn thought, First wasn’t so bad at all. Maybe, he thought with a smile, First was actually a really good guy.

~~~

He hadn’t known where to go, whom to call and he’d ended up here, long after closing time and in the darkness, staring at the flowers in the windows, his sight a bit crooked.

„May I help you, Sir?“

Bohn turned, staring at a surprised First through tears in his eyes.

„Bohn?!“

There was a hand at his elbow, pulling him into the shop, to the back into a small room, pushing him onto a chair. The hand never left him, stayed like an anchor to ground him.

„What’s going on? What happened? Why are you here? Didn’t you have a date?“

For half those questions Bohn didn’t have an answer. He didn’t know how exactly it had happened and why the fuck he was here instead of at Duen’s house, trying to make up. Or at his own home, crying into his pillow. They had fought, again, one snarky comment of Duen about a former crush making Bohn explode like a ticking bomb. It had been after Duen had refused to let Bohn hold his hand in the dark cinema, his comments cutting deeper today than Bohn was used to. He should know Duen was shy and still uncomfortable with open affection. He should have known not to ask at all, but he’d tried to be brave with his windrose and new optimism.

But he didn’t want to tell First all of this, didn’t want him to think he was a loser and an asshole towards Duen, because First would most definitely protect Duen if he was pressured, didn’t he?

So instead, when he opened his mouth, he said something completely different: „You once said flowers aren’t always the answer. But what can I do?“

It took a long time until First finally answered, his eyes searching for something in Bohn’s face. Or maybe he was simply waiting for him to calm down, counting his tear trails all the while. Bohn would have liked to wipe his face, but he didn’t dare to move.

„You ask me what else you could do? Except for giving Duen flowers?“

Bohn nodded a bit desperately.

„Bohn, are you sure you want this relationship? You’re always fighting and although I don’t know how exactly it happens, but it doesn’t seem healthy. Do you even love him anymore? Does he love you? Wouldn’t it be better for you to let him go, if all you do is fight?“

It wasn’t just a slap to the face. It was a punch in his stomach, a stomp on his heart and there was a noise in Bohn’s mind, pushing out every thought except for panic. He started to stand up, feeling hollow in his chest: „I better go.“

„No!“

The hand at his elbow pulled him down again and Bohn let himself be pulled despite wanting nothing else than to leave this godforsaken place. He should have known. He should have never stepped into it.

„Okay, okay, I’ll help you.“

Wait, what?

Bohn stared at First, his pulse racing.

„I don’t want any of you to be unhappy, okay? But if you ask me to, I will try my best to help.“

The feeling he had right now ... Bohn couldn’t exactly describe it. It was as if someone had turned his body inside out, but his mind went from frantic to calm in a second. He was hyper-focused on First’s face and the hand which had gone from Bohn’s elbow to his knee, lying there as if it had any right to. It felt more intimate than any touch he’d ever shared with Duen and the knowledge to be touched like this was enough to make him hot and cold in seconds.

But he didn’t dare to move the hand, finding some weird comfort in the burning sensation.

First smiled at him, even if it seemed a bit forced: „Okay? Will you stay?“

Bohn nodded, not knowing what exactly he’d just agreed to.

The smile became a bit more relaxed and soft, giving Bohn’s pulse another reason to race: „But I’d say we won’t start today. You should calm down first, so we can think about it together. I don’t have the perfect answer, okay?“

Bohn nodded again, still not knowing where this was leading.

„If you want to, you can stay for the night. I live above the shop and have a sofa you can sleep on. But I can also take you home.“

„I can ...“

„No. You don’t seem in any condition to walk home alone and I don’t want you driving. So let me take you home or sleep over, it’s your choice.“

Not knowing why, some weird, small part inside of Bohn made him say it: „I’ll take the sofa.“

He shouldn’t, he thought, as First pulled him up at the elbow and led him upstairs into a soft flat. He shouldn’t sleep over at someone else’s flat if he hadn’t even been allowed to sleep over at Duen’s place. He had a boyfriend for god’s sake. But it wasn’t as if he was cheating on Duen, wasn’t it? He was sleeping on the sofa of his friend. As if he slept over at Mek’s place. Or Tee’s. The thought calmed him down, ignoring the fact he hadn’t considered First a friend until today. Maybe earlier, but only when he’d come here to cry had he realised they weren’t simple acquaintances anymore.

Somehow, over the past few weeks, they’d become something similar to friends and the thought alone was enough to make him smile as he stared at First’s head, as he was letting himself be dragged.

This right here? This was nice.

~~~

When Bohn woke up the next morning, he felt as if his head had grown double the size, his eyes bleary and dry from all the crying he’d done. And still, somehow he felt ... good. To know he had someone by his side, someone who’d help him get this right with Duen was relieving.

„How are you?“

First stood in the door frame, his expression once again unreadable for Bohn, but his whole posture seemed relaxed.

„As if I was roadkill.“

Instantly, First reached out, giving Bohn some pain killers and water: „That will help, believe me. And when you’ve washed up, we’ll discuss your matter, okay?“

Silently swallowing the pill, Bohn watched First smile again, turn and walk out of the room. Something unknown tugged at his heart and he wondered if it was hope for his relationship with Duen.

~~~

„So, I told you, flowers aren’t always the answer.“

Bohn nodded, leaning over his bowl and eating his breakfast with vigour. 

„You haven’t told me much about your relationship with Duen till now and we have to change that obviously. What do you usually do together?“

He swallowed: „Well, we go shopping and afterwards he’ll come to me to cook. Or we go to the cinema. Although that only worked two times till now. And sometimes we go to the market or accompany our siblings to the playground.“

Tapping his fingers on the table, First drew his eyebrows together as he concentrated: „Okay? What else?“

Suddenly Bohn felt a bit at a loss: „We ... give each other flowers and meet up at university?“

„No, I mean what do you like? What are your hobbies? And what are his?“

„I ... I like cars and he likes cooking?“

First’s stare was blank as he stopped tapping his finger.

„That’s it?“

„I ...“

„Since when are you a couple?“

„Eight and a half months.“

First nodded, staring into their air in front of him, his finger continuing to tap.

„What could you actually do for him? Nothing material, but maybe something symbolic? Or would he like you to be more affectionate in public?“

Bohn stared at First, wondering how this man had gotten it so wrong. To think he, Bohn was the less affectionate one?

„No“, he finally shook his head, „He doesn’t like that at all.“

„Oh?“, First seemed genuinely surprised, „What about flirting? Hand holding?“

It felt as if he had to swallow a big lump: „Whenever I try it, he pulls back and he scolds me if I try to flirt with him in public.“

„I would have thought the opposite. He usually seems like this flirty, sunny guy and you ... are you.“

„I know“, Bohn huffed, stuffing another spoonful of rice into his mouth, „But we’re the opposite. I’d love to hold his hand.“

„And what about it when you’re alone?“

Bohn wished so much he could say something else. Something nice and cute and endearing. But all he could think about was Duen jerking away and panicking when Bohn just wanted to cuddle or watch him. The picture of his first, amazing love was lying in front of him, broken into a zillion pieces.

„He doesn’t want it.“

„So Duen doesn’t really like to be touched at all?“

„Yes.“

„And if you tell him you like him?“

„He smiles.“

„But?“

„At first he snaps at me.“

Had First’s face been unreadable before, it now showed clear worry, adding to the shreds in front of Bohn. He expected First to say anything, something, but he didn’t. Instead, he took a deep breath, pulled his arms close again to stop himself from tapping and smiled at Bohn his polite smile, making Bohn’s insides churn.

„Well, no wonder you wanted to give him a flower to prove your patience. So, we have to work from there. Is there anything you could do outside of touching him or telling him how much you like him? And giving flowers or other expensive gifts?“

„I ... could cook?“

„He usually does that?“

„Yes, because I can’t cook.“

„You can’t?“

„No.“

First let out a small huff, seeming a bit amused: „You’re really a rich boy, aren’t you?“

„Hey!“

„You wanted me to help, don’t you dare go against me now!“

And Bohn let it slide, because First was finally smiling at him with this honest, authentic smile, his eyes glinting as he teased Bohn.

„Yes, my Lord. What do you propose now?“

„Oh! My Lord? I like that!“

Bohn tried to slap First’s shoulder, but the guy moved away too quickly, by now grinning as widely as possible.

„What shall I do? I can’t cook!“

„I’d say we train you.“

„Train me?“

And then the grin changed into a smirk: „Yes, I’ll train you.“

Bohn swore the shiver running down his spine was only because of the open window and the heat in his face only because of the rice. And his running pulse? That must be because of the thrill of anticipation, definitely.

~~~

Even though Duen accepted an apology reluctantly, making Bohn swear to let himself be teased and never to ask for his hand again in public, First started to train him in the art of cooking. 

Every few days Bohn would come over in the evening to learn. Sometimes he’d be a bit early and start hanging around in the shop, looking at the flowers, trying to remember their names. King was good at that, wasn’t he?

„If you hang around like this, you can help clean. Then we’ll be able to finish early“, First ordered him one day, throwing a rag in his direction. For one moment Bohn stared at it. He knew what he was supposed to do, had watched First a few times already, but ... slowly he lifted his head, a snarky remark on his lips, but First was staring at him with lifted eyebrows.

„Okay“, was Bohn’s reply instead of, „Fuck off.“ And that’s how he started cleaning the shop whenever he was early enough to help, quickly taking over more and more chores.

Afterwards First would give him a beer and they’d start cooking together. Bohn had hoped he could simply watch but First made him cook alongside him. He showed him how to cut and when to turn and then let Bohn repeat it. It was difficult and exhausting learning all the basics, but very soon Bohn made his first omelette, cooked his first rice without burning it and steamed some vegetables without burning himself. He was happy and he loved to eat it. The very first things he’d cooked himself! But the best thing, if he was honest, was First’s proud smile, his celebration cry and the casual way he reached up to ruffle Bohn’s hair.

It made all those cuts and burns and moments of frustration worth it.

After three weeks of practising, Bohn felt finally ready to give his gift to Duen. Funny enough they hadn’t had many problems lately with Bohn having no time thanks to his cooking exercise.

And now he was at First’s apartment again, to have one last practice, completely alone before he would finally be ready.

Since he’d gone shopping for everything, Bohn was a bit late and First had cleaned up the shop himself, seeming a bit more tired and quiet than usual.

„I’m going to make something delicious for you to eat!“, Bohn proclaimed with a smile, making First at least chuckle and ruffle Bohn’s hair before sitting down on the other side of the kitchen counter.

Bohn opened a bottle of beer and gave it to First as First had done so for him during those last weeks. He got another tired smile as a ‘Thank you’ in return and he was happy.

When he’d prepared everything and was finally in the actual cooking process, he dared to relax, eyeing First a bit worried: „Did you have a stressful day?“

First nodded in the same rhythm he tapped his finger against the bottle with. 

„My mother had a bad day and Frong had to take her to the hospital again, making me stay in the shop for the whole day.“

„How is she?“

Bohn put all the vegetables in a row in front of him, knowing exactly which to cut first.

„Frong called right before I closed the shop. She’s back home now and fast asleep.“

„I’m glad to know she was able to go back“, Bohn said with what was hopefully a reassuring smile, „Did you eat anything at all today?“

„Do some chips count? I still had the bag open from yesterday.“

„No!“, Bohn almost shouted, „That doesn’t count! Why don’t you take better care of yourself? You could have closed the shop for a few minutes to go upstairs.“

„But I had nothing left in the fridge.“

Bohn let out a frustrated huff: „Well, then tell me next time and I’ll bring you something.“

There it was again, the unreadable expression as First watched him silently before turning his gaze back to the bottle, scratching at the label.

„Thanks, but you have your own duties, don’t you?“

Shrugging, Bohn concentrated on the carrot: „I would have made it work.“

„Did you meet Duen today?“

Bohn frowned when the question came so fast, he had barely finished his own sentence.

„No, I didn’t. There was no time between courses and shopping.“

„Don’t you miss him?“

„Of course I do“, Bohn shrugged again, „But there was no time and I’m going to see him tomorrow anyway.“

He really didn’t understand why First had this sudden urge to talk about Duen. 

Usually, Bohn would start the talk and they’d think of something else to try besides the cooking and then they’d go back to different topics, like car racing or the management of the shop and First’s mother or Bohn’s brother.  
He’d also looked into a legal issue First had because of the shop, trying to give his semi-professional opinion.  
Sometimes, when the food needed some time to finish, they’d simply watched a movie when they’d waited, too tired to talk at all or in need of some time out.

Those had been successful weeks, First’s ideas working amazingly well with Duen. There were fewer fights and Bohn was able to remain calmer, keeping his proper distance, asking Duen about his day and pulling back first to give him room to breathe. 

He’d thought it would be more difficult, more painful, but the opposite was the case. It had been some time since he’d felt as relaxed and happy with his relationship, even though something was still missing. The last, the final piece. But the dinner would be it, Bohn knew for sure.

And he would make sure it would be perfect. As perfect as those evenings with First had ...

Sharp pain and First shouting „Bohn!“ stopped him dead in his tracks, finally realising his surroundings again, his last thought still an echo in his mind.

He couldn’t even realise where the pain was coming from, when First was by his side, taking his hands into his, eyeing them carefully. Still, the pain was like a distant shadow as Bohn looked down, seeing his hands in First’s, feeling the warmth they spread.

„Damn, Bohn. You haven’t cut yourself in weeks, what did you think about?!“

„And he would make sure it would be perfect. As perfect as those evenings with First had ...“

His last thought came back in full colour, repeating itself in Bohn’s mind, making it unable to flee or distract himself from. And so he stared, wondering what had been so perfect those nights with First, what was so special about it, he wanted ...

First had taken a cloth and pressed it against the bleeding cut with haste, mumbling to himself as he tried to stop the blood, pulling Bohn closer to himself to get a better grip on the wound, looking up to scold Bohn ... just to find Bohn staring at him.

Their eyes met and the air got sucked out between them, leaving them breathless and focused, aware of each other, of every touch they shared.  
It was as if Bohn saw First for the first time as if he could finally read his expression, the way he almost hopelessly searched Bohn’s face, the way he let out of his slightly opened lips a shuddering breath. And then there was a hand at his cheek, cradling his chin with such gentleness, it almost made him go crazy.

The heat, the knowledge of having a person so close, of having First so close, was almost too much because it made him want. Just ... want.

And it was want which made him move forward, First’s fingers still burning at his cheek.  
It was want which made him forget his wound, gripping First’s hand to keep him close.  
It was want which made him stop only an inch in front of First, waiting for him to take the final step, to close the distance.  
It was want which made him shudder when First finally pressed his lips against his.

Bohn had kissed lots of people already. He’d made out with several people as well and he knew exactly where this would lead. Could lead if he continued, if he dared.

Oh god, how much he wanted to.  
To deepen the kiss, to pull First against himself, to let himself be pulled, to get lost in this kiss, in those eyes.

The hand at his cheek wandered to his neck, pulling him in closer and lower, making Bohn groan helplessly as their bodies connected, as another hand touched his hip, burning him as he pressed himself against it to get more, to ...

„Fuck!“

Bohn hadn’t wanted to, but the pain in his hand made him scream, both of them jumping apart at the sound. First was back in an instant, taking Bohn’s hand again to drag him to the sink, cleaning the wound, muttering „I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry“ on repeat until Bohn sat at the table, his wound completely cared for. First was now in the kitchen, preparing the rest of the meal, avoiding Bohn’s gaze as he rambled on about customers and news and the new kitten which had appeared in the neighbourhood.

And Bohn let him.

He let him ramble on because this shouldn’t have happened. He shouldn’t have done it, he should have controlled himself better. He shouldn’t have acted based on his neediness and his urges. He should have stopped himself instead of using First to satisfy his urge.

And if First had decided now to forgive him and to ignore the situation, he would be happy and he would take this chance and go back to being friends.

If they avoided eye contact for the rest of the evening and if Bohn went home earlier than usual, taking the food with him, neither of them commented on it.

~~~

‘How did it go?’

Bohn stared at the text on his phone with the same weird feeling he’d looked at it those last few hours. Hours he had spent not responding because he was busy. At least that was what he’d told himself.  
Now he wasn’t busy anymore, a free evening in front of him without cooking practice. Without First. Without sitting next to each other while eating and talking, their shoulders and knees brushing regularly. 

He wouldn’t even see Duen today since he’d completely forgotten he was free, somehow still thinking the practice would go on until he’d gone shopping. He’d stood in the middle of the supermarket, realising he didn’t need to buy anything, except if he wanted to cook for himself. Because this was over, wasn’t it? They’d done this to help Bohn, but this wouldn’t go any further, would it?

But in the end, he’d still bought some stuff, taking it back home to cook for himself. He could do it now, so why not? And he’d done it, his hands working automatically as they’d done so the night before, the plaster reminding him all the time of First and his touches, his kiss.

He’d been reminded of him the night before as well. Weird enough he hadn’t felt guilty at first. Maybe because he hadn’t kissed First instead of Duen since he hadn’t even touched his boyfriend for weeks now. Only when he’d caught himself thinking about First during their meal, he’d started to feel guilty. This was supposed to be about him and Duen, he shouldn’t think about someone else. Even if this person was only a friend.

A good friend, he remembered himself as he stared at the text. Someone who’d helped him to get through heartbreak, to become calmer and more content in his relationship.

Looking at the time and realising First was probably about to close the shop, Bohn put the food into a bag and drove off.

~~~

First’s gaze was guarded as he opened the door for Bohn, staring at him with this unreadable expression again.

„I brought food“, Bohn lifted the bags, trying to smile.

First only stepped back to let him in, turning silently to go to the kitchen.

„Are you okay?“

First waved it off: „It’s nothing, just a busy day. Are those leftovers from yesterday?“

The way he said it made Bohn feel as if First wouldn’t have touched the food if it was just a leftover. Or especially this leftover.

„Don’t worry, you snob. I just cooked and thought I’d bring you some since you probably didn’t eat much.“

„I was about to cook“, First replied almost defensively, before letting out a deep sigh, „But thank you.“

Bohn didn’t let himself show his worry too much, but First didn’t look well. Was he maybe still angry at Bohn because of the kiss? Should he have stayed away? But First had asked, hadn’t he?

They sat down at the table to eat and Bohn knew he was being watched. It made him shiver, his whole body tensing.

„So, how was it?“

First’s voice was so soft, it hurt Bohn more than any punch could have. But he forced a smile, trying to think of the evening before instead of wondering about the expression First had.

„It went well, Duen was quite happy about it.“

„Was he?“

Both of them knew what he meant. Duen might be happy, but his initial reactions rarely portrayed this feeling.

„He told me to use more salt next time, but he ate it.“

„Well“, First huffed, „That’s better than an insult, isn’t it?“

Bohn grimaced.

„And?“

„And?“

„What else happened afterwards? Are you now finally happy?“

Bohn couldn’t shake off the weird feeling as if something wasn’t right.

„Not much. I mean I asked him to move in with me again and he said he’d think about it, so that’s more than he usually says and I guess that’s a success?“

His eyes had been everywhere but on First, his heartbeat in his throat until he finally looked up again and everything seemed to stop.

First had stopped being unreadable. Instead, Bohn could see the shock in his eyes. Shock and ... anger?

„You asked him to move in with you?“

All Bohn could do was nod as he kept staring.

„And you’ve asked him so before?“

Again he nodded, his whole body one tense line.

„And he finally said yes?“

„He said he’d think about it.“

„Which is as good as a yes from him, isn’t it?“

But Bohn didn’t answer. He kept watching First instead, whose emotions seemed in a whirlwind, changing from second to second until they settled on something Bohn couldn’t define properly. He didn’t know what it was, but he knew it made his own heart ache, made him yearn to hug First until it was all better. But he remembered the kiss and he knew he was responsible for whatever First was feeling now, so he kept quiet.

„I’m glad it went well for you.“

„Thank you.“

There was a moment of uncomfortable silence before First continued: „I guess that was it then? You achieved what you wanted and my part is over.“

It was pure panic which washed over Bohn, gripping his heart in an icy grip. He’d thought about it before, but to hear First say it ... he started shaking his head.

„No, it isn’t. I mean we don’t have to exercise cooking, but we’re friends, aren’t we? And we can stay friends, can’t we?“

He knew he was begging, but he didn’t care. He didn’t, he ... he did. Memories of himself begging Duen to give him a tiny bit of attention came back into his mind. The desperation came back as if it had never left him, hurting himself. He’d never wanted to feel like this again, but here he was, begging someone for something, anything and he hated it. The feeling and himself for making him this person again. Because he’d never wanted to go back.

But it was First and he was worth it, wasn’t he? He wouldn’t push Bohn away like Duen, would he?

„We are?“

First sounded soft and gentle, making Bohn lose a bit of his panic as he dared to meet his eyes again. There was no rejection, no repulsion to be seen.

„Yes.“

A familiar hand ruffled his hair and this damn unreadable smile appeared again.

„Well, I guess we can be friends.“

While one part of Bohn danced with joy, another, smaller, more quiet part, wondered what else they could have been. 

~~~

Not much changed after their talk.

Bohn still came over every few days, helping First to clean the shop and then they proceeded to cook together, talk, play games and watch movies. On the surface, it was like before. Underneath it ... nothing was the same.

First didn’t touch Bohn anymore if he could avoid it. No ruffling through his hair, no accidental brushes of their shoulders and knees. He was painfully aware of the distance between their bodies and carefully controlled how close they got. It was obvious how much Bohn was irritated by it and maybe he even disliked it, but First couldn’t go back. Not now at least. 

When Bohn had told him he’d asked Duen to move in with him, his heart had been broken. Till then he’d been careful not to harbour any hope for Bohn falling out of love with Duen, but apparently some tiny piece of his heart had ignored the warning.

It hurt.

It hurt so much to know Bohn was still so deeply in love, despite the way Duen treated him, despite them fighting so much and clearly not being happy together.  
It hurt because he had come to care for Bohn and his stupid lopsided smile, his cheeky grin, his serious concentration when he was cooking or building car models, his gentle care when First had had a bad day.  
It hurt because First had fallen for him and there was no sign of them working out.  
It hurt because he just wanted to crawl beneath his blankets, but he couldn’t say no when Bohn asked him to stay friends, was overcome by joy and crushed into pieces at the same time.

Because how could he persuade his damn heart there was no chance when Bohn was with him so often, still caring, still smiling, still being a cheeky idiot and the person First had fallen for.

Still, he’d rather have Bohn as a friend in his life than a life without him and he could get back to being friends, supporting Bohn in his relationships and his life.

At least he’d thought so until the day Duen appeared in the shop again. 

He hadn’t been in for a while since Bohn had been the one buying the flowers, but there he was, smiling at him with his smile. Back then, First had thought it innocent. Now he knew better.  
Still, Duen was here to buy and First would be professional instead of being the rejected admirer.

„Hello Duen, how can I help you?“

„Hey“, the smile intensified and First felt a shiver running down his spine, „I would like a bouquet for Bohn. You know, his birthday is tomorrow.“

„No, I didn’t know that.“

First had to stop himself from grinding his teeth. No, he didn’t know because they hadn’t talked about their birthdays. And it was a Thursday. Usually, Bohn would visit him on Thursdays and he hadn’t said anything about not coming. But he would spend his birthday with his boyfriend, wouldn’t he?

Duen’s smile stayed: „Well, I want a big bouquet full of red roses, you know?“

True love and passion? First really had to control himself not to snort.

„I can do that. How many roses do you want?“

Duen told him fifty because it was an even number and First got to work. He tried to be nice, to got back to his old image about Duen, when he’d seen him as an innocent and soft boy, who even tried to put the perfect posy together for his boyfriend. Maybe he hadn’t changed so much. Maybe First knew only one side of the story. Maybe Duen still tried his best.

This thought hurt the most: Maybe both of them tried their best and they still hurt each other, unable to let go.

„So“, he started, trying to make the atmosphere lighter, „What do you plan for his birthday?“

Duen moved around the shop, looking at several flowers while still smiling. At the question, he stopped and looked up: „Oh! He will be getting those flowers and I thought about moving in with him. Just for a week for a start, but we can try.“

This heartbreak was different. It wasn’t the sharp pain he’d felt when Bohn had told him about it, but instead, his whole body seemed to become numb, his fingers moving automatically as he put the roses together. So that was it, wasn’t it? Duen would move in with Bohn on his own accord, without being asked again and that would be the turning point. All those damn hints had helped and First had ended up hurting himself. Because if Duen was actually living with Bohn, would Bohn even continue their friendship? Would he have time to come over? Hadn’t he told First he wanted to watch Duen all the time?

But hadn’t Bohn also changed? He’d stopped being so clingy and desperate for Duen’s attention, hadn’t he? So maybe there was still hope? For their friendship at least?

„That’s nice. He’ll be happy about it, I’m sure.“

„Of course, he’s my boyfriend after all. And he asked me to move in several times by now and since we’re together for almost a year, why not?“

The whole monologue seemed so weird to First. Why did Duen tell him about it? Was he desperate to let people know about his relationship? Did he want to brag to First especially? Did he know where Bohn was all those evenings? From what Bohn had said, Duen hadn’t even asked and he wouldn’t tell, so this couldn’t be, could it? Was he simply paranoid?

„I’m sure you will be happy.“

First put on his polite smile as he handed over the roses, the ironic implication of him binding roses for Duen to give to First’s love not lost on him. Well, apparently he had to live with that now, did he?

„Thank you“, Duen turned one last time before he left the shop, „By the way, Bohn obviously won’t be visiting you tomorrow.“

~~~

‘Happy Birthday’

‘Thx. How did you know?’

First put the phone away, the last message still unanswered. He couldn’t write: ‘Well, your boyfriend came over and told me about it while staring daggers at me and telling me you won’t come to visit anymore’, could he?

Okay, Duen hadn’t said „anymore“, but it was all First had heard, all he could think about for now.

Was Duen actually jealous? Did he get possessive of Bohn now? Would he stop Bohn from visiting? Was this maybe the start for a better relationship? Although First wondered how healthy it could be if it all came from jealousy.

Either way, Bohn would be happy, wouldn’t he? To finally get the attention and affection he had always wanted from Duen and who was he, First, to deny him that?

Another message came in and First almost didn’t dare to look, but it was a friend of him, asking to collect some tools he’d lent him. For a short moment First thought about it, remembering Duen’s tone of voice as he’d told him Bohn wouldn’t visit.

‘You can get them tonight. Maybe a beer afterwards?’

‘Cool’

~~~

Ming was a chatty guy and it was good like that. First could get his stuff done and didn’t have to talk much while his friend entertained the whole shop, making First laugh. Which was good, it really was. First missed being happy and laughing and talking like this. Without having to think about his dumb crush and his even dumber boyfriend. Usually, he was an easygoing guy, calm and collected. Not this sad boy, moping around in his shop, creating bouquets other guys would give to his crush.

Still, First was tense, always wondering if Bohn would come to visit anyway. If it had all been a hoax by Duen to tell him to fuck off. But he didn’t appear and in the end, Ming and First closed the shop and went upstairs for a beer, some snacks and the tools.

Having a distraction for the night had been an amazing idea because Ming told him about stupid shit people in university did for their juniors, making both of them double over from laughter. First didn’t want to study, happy to sell his flowers as it was, but he enjoyed the stories a lot.

„You have another beer?“, Ming asked, lying on the sofa from laughing too much and only wearing a muscle shirt by now as he was feeling too hot already.

„Sure“, First stood up to get to the fridge, when his doorbell rang, making him change his route while still talking to Ming, „But only one, because we can’t have you running around naked on campus. And for god’s sake, stop stripping for now! You’re a ...“

If he had been forced to describe Bohn’s face when he opened the door, he couldn’t have done it. His usually so obviously emotional eyes seemed almost blank as he stared at First. He’d definitely heard what had been said and First didn’t know what to think of it.

„Bohn?“

Bohn took a tentative step towards, making First’s heart race.

„P’First, I ...“

„You got a visitor?“

And suddenly Ming was standing next to them in his stupid shorts and his stupid muscle shirt, a bright smile on his face.

„Nice to meet you, I’m Ming. You’re here for First’s tools as well?“

First wished to die. Right then and there. Simply vanish forever or get beamed to another continent.

Bohn’s eyes widened, for the first time since he was there showing something like helplessness and complete confusion. 

„Shut your damn mouth, idiot“, First hissed before turning back to Bohn, who was by now staring at him like a lost puppy.

„You want to come in?“

„You have a visitor today?“

It could be a simple question, but it felt like an accusation. It made First’s insides churn as he wondered what he was supposed to feel.

„He came over for some tools I borrowed and we decided to get something to drink. I thought you were celebrating with Duen?“

Something shifted in Bohn and he stepped back, his whole expression guarded now, even though First could see something simmering beneath. Something furious and desperate.

„Ah, right, you thought you finally had a free evening. Sorry to bother you then.“

„Wha ...“

„Wait!“

Ming’s shout startled both of them since they had completely forgotten he was even there. But he came to the door, his shirts in his hands, the toolbox in his arms and a cheeky grin on his face: „Don’t worry, I was just about to go and you can stay and talk. Have a nice evening.“

Without another word he vanished, waving his goodbye as he descended the stairs. Had they been so obviously in need of a talk?

They looked at each other again, even though Bohn didn’t dare to lock eyes directly.

„So“, First started again, „You want to come in?“

Bohn did, following him quietly inside the flat, eyeing the bottles of beer critically.

„I’m not drunk, don’t worry. Had some burger for dinner, which helped.“

„Self-made or delivered?“

„Delivered, but from the shop around the corner.“

Bohn hummed as a reply and First knew he was at least partially satisfied. Since he’d started cooking himself, he’d been way more invested in keeping First healthy, which had always amused him.

After getting Bohn some water they sat down on the sofa, First keeping his distance still, even though Bohn looked pointedly at the space between them.

„I won’t bite, you know?“

„I know.“

„Then why do you sit ...“

„Why aren’t you at home?“

Bohn was startled by the interruption, but First couldn’t, for the life of him, tell the truth or talk about their distance.

„I ...“

„Did you meet Duen?“

He got a nod as a reply.

„What did happen?“

Bohn averted his gaze, staring down at his hands: „He got me a bouquet of flowers from your shop.“

„I know.“

The hands curled into fists, making First wish he could reach out and take them.

„He told me he would move in with me.“

First refused to say „I know“ again, settling on „Congratulations“.

„And he kissed me.“

Well, that was it then, wasn’t it? Bohn had gotten everything he’d wanted from the relationship. They’d move in together and Duen would maybe let him a bit closer, finally.

„That’s a nice birthday gift.“

Bohn’s head jerked up, his gaze sharp, making First uncomfortable.

„Aren’t you happy?“

No answer, he simply kept staring as if he needed to confirm something. As if he wanted something, First couldn’t give him. Or could he?

„I broke up with him.“

It was as if someone had hit First over the head with a bat. He could almost see stars as he stopped breathing for a moment, his heart hammering in his breast.

„What?“

„I broke up with Duen.“

Bohn pronounced every word as if his life depended on it.

„But why? Wasn’t that all you ever wanted?“

„I thought so“, Bohn agreed, „For almost a year I thought it was all I could wish for, but I was wrong.“

„Why?“

„I can’t stand the thought of it. Back then it felt like a dream, but it isn’t anymore. I just hoped it would make everything better or maybe I thought I was still supposed to want this, but I can’t. I can’t live with him, First, and I don’t want to kiss him ever again.“

This was unexpected and First felt like a broken record: „But why? Didn’t you dream about it?“

Bohn shook his head: „I haven’t dreamt about kissing him for a long time. Not trying to touch him relieved me and I thought it was because it stopped so many fights, but in reality, it allowed me to not want it anymore.“

The moment of their kiss came back into First’s memory: „But you usually like kissing, don’t you?“

Nodding slowly, Bohn kept staring at him, swallowing hard. Suddenly First felt too hot, wishing he could pull off his shirt now.

„When he kissed me“, Bohn continued deliberately, „I jerked back because I couldn’t stand the touch. I didn’t want him to kiss me.“

First let out a shaky sigh, shuffling a bit closer as if to comfort him, even though he had no idea how.

„I’m sorry you had to realise all of this on your birthday instead of being happy about it. How do you feel about it now?“

„Ask me“, Bohn said with a sudden urge in his voice, sounding rough, „Ask me who I thought about instead.“

There was no way in hell, First could have refused the request, even if his heartrate was skyrocketing right now, making it difficult to concentrate.

„Who did you think about?“

„You.“

The word was like a bullet, hitting its target.

„You, I thought about you and our damn kiss and all those evenings and the fact I couldn’t spend this day with you because my boyfriend had decided to keep me there and then I realised I didn’t want him to be my boyfriend anymore. I haven’t even considered him my boyfriend for quite some time and was just too dumb to notice it was you I want to spend my time with and it’s you I actually want to kiss and to care for. And I know I’m your friend, but I needed to tell you because I would go crazy otherwise. Please tell me there’s a chance for me, for us and you’re not in love with this guy earlier or have any other lovers. Please, just one little chance.“

First couldn’t believe what he’d just heard. But it wasn’t an illusion, was it? No dream his desperate brain had just come up with.

„You ... you want to kiss me?“

Bohn nodded: „And to hug you and to be your boyfriend. Maybe also some handholding in between? I really miss your touches, you know?“

Tentatively, First reached out and took Bohn’s hands into his own, gently stroking them with his thumbs.

„Now we’re holding hands, you see?“

When Bohn stared at their joined hands with wide, teary eyes, First knew it was because he hadn’t been able to hold anyone’s hand without them jerking back for a long time and it almost broke his heart again.

And so he leaned closer, kissing Bohn’s forehead with a smile.

„Now I’ve kissed and touched you.“

Actual tears started falling from Bohn’s eyes as he tried to smile at First, still shook. It was the perfect angle to put a soft, short kiss to his lips.

„And now we’re boyfriends.“

~~~

„Are you sure you want to get into another relationship instantly?“

„Mhm“, Bohn hummed with a smile, brushing First’s hair out of his face as they laid in First’s bed, cuddling with their limbs and arms intertwined, „I was too dumb to realise I wanted this right now with you instead of something like this with Duen and if you have me, I won’t waste any more time.“

„So you’re sure?“

Bohn lifted one eyebrow: „I am. Are you?“

First nodded with a laugh: „Just making sure you didn’t choose me because you were so touch-starved.“

„Don’t worry. If it had been that, I would have attacked you way sooner.“

Who would have known the simple pleasure of tickling someone could be so amazing?

~~~

Only once did First meet Duen again, before the boy decided to avoid their shop.

A few days after Bohn’s birthday he came in again, his usual smile nowhere to be seen.

„Didn’t I tell you to stay out of it?“

First shrugged: „Should have told your ex-boyfriend instead of me. He decided to break up with you and I never told him to.“

„You’re an asshole.“

First let out a deep sigh: „Maybe, but so are you. Do you have any idea how often he came to me crying because you pushed him away or were nice to everyone else except for him? While you were already in a relationship? You can’t accuse me when you treated him like that. And he tried by God, he really tried to save it all.“

Finally, Duen seemed uncomfortable, avoiding First’s eyes.

„You know, maybe you should ask yourself why you got along better when Bohn stopped wanting to touch you and stopped expecting anything and started spending way more time with me. Because it sounds as if what you wanted was maybe more like a friendship? Although I’m not sure why insulting your friends as a way to react to affection, should ever be accepted.“

With those words First leaned over the flowers he was in the middle of preparing.  
When he looked up again, Duen was gone.

~~~

„Are you sure?“

Bohn rolled his eyes despite his ragged breath and his shaking body.

„I am sure, yes. How often should I tell you?“

„Just want to make sure you’re comfortable“, First said with a smirk, only a few inches away from his face.

„I’m not comfortable, I’m fucking desperate, so fuck me now!“

First chuckled despite being out of breath himself as he slowly and deliberately pushed into Bohn, making him moan so loud, their neighbours probably heard him as well. But Bohn didn’t care, too frantic and desperate to get fucked on the kitchen counter, to pant and moan in First’s ear who was by now leaning his forehead against Bohn’s shoulder, moving in a familiar and delicious rhythm. Bohn’s hands were on First’s shoulders, pulling him in, kneading his ass, gripping his hair, wandering wherever he could reach.

He would never get enough of being able to touch First, to feel him, to explore and be welcome, getting a smile, a kiss or a good fuck as a reply.

They’d made out lots of times, jerking each other off until they’d been whimpering messes. But when First had admitted to having some experiences with men already, Bohn had asked then and there to be fucked. Why not use this chance to explore safely, when it presented itself?  
Funny enough, he hadn’t cared much about those past lovers, knowing he was the only one to adore First now.

For a start, he’d wanted First to teach him, take the lead, but by now it was his favourite pastime to feel First in him, whether he was on his knees or had his legs around his boyfriend, dominating the rhythm. Or riding First, who would look up at him with such wonder in his eyes, it would make Bohn go soft inside as he stopped to cup his lovers face and kiss him senseless. Until, of course, he’d start moving again, making him now go crazy with want.

This position had also the advantage of scaring Frong shitless, who once came into the shop after closing time, when Bohn was just sitting on First’s lap, sucking a giant hickey at his neck.

It had taken some time for First to recover from that moment, but Frong had never been able to look Bohn in the eyes again properly, blushing like the idiot he was. No, Bohn didn’t hate him anymore but was rather amused by the fact neither of them had ended up with Duen. Still, he didn’t need to like him, did he?

Finally finishing with a strangled cry, First collapsed on top of Bohn, who instantly hugged him tightly so he would stay right there on top of him. He enjoyed the short moment after, when they were still breathless and sated, their sweat not yet icky and cold. And he definitely didn’t want to start cleaning the counter, yet.

It wasn’t difficult to persuade First to stay for a bit, the way he instantly snuggled into Bohn’s neck, giving out soft kisses to the skin he could reach.

„Next time is your turn“, First mumbled, „I think I just broke my hip.“

„Loser“, Bohn laughed, kissing the top of First’s head.

„We’ll see.“

Bohn’s grip on his boyfriend tightened: „I love you, you know?“

Glinting eyes looked up at him: „I love you, too.“

The giddy feeling which spread inside of Bohn upon hearing those words had not stopped till now and he hoped it wouldn’t. Ever.

„I’m glad we clarified this issue, boyfriend number one. Now let’s get off this thing before my ass goes completely numb.“

The laughter which followed filled Bohn’s heart like the gayest bouquet of all times.

the End

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, you reached the end!  
> Thank you for reading it and please let me know if you liked it ;)
> 
> And now there's a sequel: pls check out "You make me brave again" ^^


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